Hmmmmms

More fun with the English language –
Antacid: uncle Acid's wife.
Antelope: how she married my uncle.
Antibodies: what's left after you spray bug spray.
Bernadette: the act of torching your bills.
Burglarize: what a crook sees with.
Cartoonist: what you call your mechanic.
Crestfallen: dropped toothpaste.
Decrease: de fold in de pants.
Despise: de persons who work for de C.I.A.
Dilate: when a person lives longer.
Eclipse: what a barber does for a living.
Elixir: what a dog does to his owner when he gets a treat.
Eyebrows: what I do when I go shopping.
Foreclose: why teenagers go to the mall.
Infantile: ceramic floor covering in the nursery.
Lovable: affection for a male bovine.
Millipede: why there are stains on the White House carpet.
Paradox: two physicians.
Primate: removing your spouse from the computer.
Radiate: why the roach died.
Relief: what a tree does in the spring.
Subdued: like, a guy, who like, works on, like, a submarine.
Tweeze: what Elmer Fudd finds in a forest.
Vitamin: what you do when friends drop by for a visit.
Withdrawal: how people in Texas speak.

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-
flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more
entertaining.  Here are some real examples that have been heard or
reported:

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways
out of this airplane..."

"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke,
contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the
wing of the airplane.

"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking
in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am
going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as
you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit
cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight
pattern."

After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We
hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking
you for a ride."

As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in
front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve
luggage from the overhead bins. The head attendant announced on the
intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system
that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining
in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop
at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National,
a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"